


Never Let Go

by NamelesslyNightlock



Series: Going Down Swinging [62]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avenger Loki (Marvel), Banter, Books, Confused Loki (Marvel), Cultural Differences, Declarations Of Love, Developing Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluffy Ending, Happy Ending, Holding Hands, Humor, Hurt Tony Stark, Idiots in Love, Implied Sexual Content, Injury to Crotch, Kissing, Loki (Marvel) is a Good Boyfriend, Love Confessions, M/M, Romantic Fluff, Touching, Understanding, Worried Loki (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:49:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24681076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NamelesslyNightlock/pseuds/NamelesslyNightlock
Summary: Anthony likes to hold Loki’s hand. And it’s not that Loki doesn’t enjoy it, quite the opposite actually– he just doesn’tunderstandit.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Series: Going Down Swinging [62]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1330490
Comments: 45
Kudos: 623
Collections: Fics that make my heart go OOF with fluff, Great stories





	Never Let Go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [STARSdidathing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/STARSdidathing/gifts).



> Thanks Stars for the idea!  
>   
>  **Prompt** — _“Please shut up. Just shut up.”_

Anthony had a habit, and Loki didn’t understand it.

It wasn’t that he didn’t _like_ it– it was quite nice actually, if he were being honest. The feel of Anthony’s skin against his own was always enjoyable, a steady warmth that always made his breath flow a little easier. And he loved having Anthony close, to only have to turn his head to share a grin, and only need to lean a few inches to press his lips to Anthony’s cheek.

But, no matter how enjoyable it was, it didn’t change the fact that this strange Midgardian custom was incredibly impractical. People were born with two hands for a reason, and Loki had rather grown accustomed during his thousand years of life to being able to use the both of them simultaneously.

He wasn’t sure _why_ mortals did it, though it must have some kind of meaning, given the way that Anthony seemed so delighted every time Loki accepted his touch and entangled their fingers together.

Perhaps it was an exercise in trust? To show that you were willing to be vulnerable in your partner’s presence, by losing the use of one of your most versatile limbs? Or perhaps it was a means to demonstrate closeness through a couple’s ability to work as a team? After all, holding hands meant that the couple had a pair of hands between them, and therefore had to act as one to be able to function the same as a whole person. The symbolism was certainly enjoyable with that theory, but it did not make sense then as to why Anthony wanted to hold Loki’s hand so very often.

There were exceptions, of course. They didn’t hold hands in battle, which Loki was most grateful for, and nor did they when Anthony was in his workshop. But… other than that, whenever they were together, Anthony would reach for Loki’s hand. In meetings or at mealtimes or when they were seated next to each other on the couch, Anthony would always take Loki’s hand in his own. Sometimes he merely held it– sometimes he would keep it in his lap, and play with Loki’s fingers. Sometimes, he would smooth Loki’s hand flat, and enjoy stroking patterns into Loki’s palm. Even when they had sex, Anthony often liked to entwine their fingers so that their palms were pressed together and they were holding on tight– though maybe that one, Loki _could_ understand.

But although all the other times didn’t make much sense, Loki did his best to adapt to Anthony’s habit whenever he could, if only because it was clearly so important to _him._ And besides, if Loki were being honest, every time Anthony did it and smiled like merely holding Loki’s hand made him the luckiest man alive Loki felt his cheeks begin to grow a little warm.

So, yes, Loki did his best to accommodate Anthony whenever he could. Since he didn’t understand the custom, or when it would be appropriate, he let Anthony initiate the touch at first– but Loki was a fast learner, and it didn’t take him long to start catching on to how it worked.

The first time Loki stepped up beside Anthony during a debrief after a battle and curled their hands together, Anthony turned to Loki with a smile that was soft enough it made his whole face brighten despite the exhaustion of battle– and then he leaned in to kiss Loki so sweetly that Barton made a gagging noise.

After that, Loki did it more and more often until it almost became a habit of his own, until he began to crave the feel of Anthony’s hand– until his fingers felt cold and empty when Anthony was not by his side.

And even though Loki didn’t entirely know what the handholding was supposed to mean, the other Midgardians surely did. Loki saw them watching he and Anthony with those loose smiles which meant they approved, often mixed with a joking crease of the brow and an accompanying joke about them being ‘lovebirds.’ Despite the way that Loki would always shoot them a complementary glare for their efforts, deep down, he found he rather liked the term. It was nice, to be considered linked in a pair with the love of his life… and if the handholding was a symbol of _that_ , then it only made Loki love it all the more.

Because he _did_ love it, but… sometimes, it was, admittedly, a little impractical.

That fact could not be denied, especially not in… certain circumstances.

And besides– surely, if the pair of them were sat together on the couch as they so often were, then there was enough of them touching that holding hands became superfluous? What was one small patch of skin when Anthony was sprawled over Loki’s lap? He had his back stretched over Loki’s thighs and his head on the armrest to Loki’s left– so what did they need to be holding hands for?

You see, normally Loki wouldn’t have minded, always happy to be touching Anthony as much as possible. But he was reading a book, and a good one. He was leaning back comfortably in his seat and holding it over Anthony with little difficulty, even though the book itself was rather large.

The novel was a copy that Anthony had acquired for him when Loki had asked, because apparently when Loki had stated he preferred real books over the electronic version, Anthony had not only taken it as an insult and decided to be spiteful, but had also taken ‘real’ to mean ‘old’ and had purchased Loki a copy of the book which dated to the mid nineteenth century. The book was long to begin with – something Loki had learned was normal for Charles Dickens – but the text was large and accompanied by illustrations. It would have been a difficult feat for a mortal to hold it aloft one-handed for an extended period, but Loki possessed enough strength to do so.

Turning pages, however, was another matter entirely.

At first, it had been no problem. Anthony had been sprawled over Loki’s lap but he had been doing something on his StarkPad, no doubt answering emails or completing paperwork for Ms Potts. But after a while of such he groaned and put the StarkPad to the side– and then closed his eyes and reached up blindly to run his hand over Loki’s arm.

Loki had known what he wanted immediately, but for the first time in a while, he didn’t _want_ to take Anthony’s hand. He had just reached a suspenseful part of the book, and he did not want to put it down– but by now he was well aware of the importance of handholding in Midgardian culture, and the very last thing he wanted to do was to make a misstep with Anthony, to upset him or worse. So, making sure that his reluctance did not show, Loki let go of his book with his left hand and allowed Anthony to take it in his own.

That seemed to satisfy him. Anthony allowed their hands to rest on his chest as his breathing slowed and he began to nod off to sleep.

Loki smiled fondly for a moment before turning back to finish his page– and then he was left with working out how best to go about turning it. Ordinarily, Loki would have leaned the book on his lap and turned the page that way, but Anthony was over his lap, and Loki did not want to wake him.

Well, perhaps he could try…

Loki tugged gently at his hand– but Anthony only gripped it tighter, holding on even in sleep.

Well then.

Clearly, if Loki wanted to continue with his story – and he most certainly did – then there was only one thing for it.

He was going to have to turn the page one-handed.

And, all right. Perhaps in this situation an electronic book would have been easier to deal with, but Loki _never_ would have admitted that to Anthony. He could have perhaps used his seiðr, but that would have felt like giving in to the challenge­. This _shouldn’t_ be difficult. 

Loki was already holding the large book from the bottom, which made things a little easier. He shifted his grip so that his fingers were along the hard cover and his thumb was all that covered the pages. All he would need to do then would be to bend his thumb, hook his nail under the page, and _flick_.

In theory, it should have been easy.

In practice, however—

The book was a little old, and rather well-read. A few of the pages were a little stuck together, and even though Loki executed the page flip exactly as he had envisioned… he turned one page too many.

Turning the page back the _other_ way was going to be much tricker, because Loki’s thumb was, obviously, unmovably on the one side of his hand. He was forced to try and shift the book to the side, balancing it on his fingers while he tried the impossible task of stretching his thumb and then—

The book tilted dangerously—

Loki lost his grip—

You know, sometimes, when people recount the story of a tragedy, they say it seemed like everything happened in slow motion. Well, Loki rather wished it _had_ happened in slow motion, because if that had been the case then he might have had the time to catch the book with his seiðr– but as it stood, he had hardly even processed the fact that he had lost his tentative grip before Anthony lurched up with a bloodcurdling yelp, curling instinctively and crashing their skulls together in the process.

Loki grunted in pain and Anthony was swearing up a storm—

Loki rubbed at his forehead but Anthony was clutching an entirely different part of his anatomy as he fell off Loki’s lap and onto the ground, the book falling with him.

“Anthony,” Loki gasped, sliding down to kneel beside him, holding out his hands but not sure whether his touch would be welcome. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for that to happen, I– I am so, _so_ sorry—”

“Please shut up,” Anthony groaned, still curling over himself in obvious pain. “Just shut _up.”_

Loki opened his mouth to apologise again, and then promptly snapped it shut. The sudden movement of his jaw made his head ache again, but only a little– the hit had been solid, but Loki’s head was far harder than Anthony’s.

It was telling how painful the heavy book landing on Anthony’s crotch had been, considering the fact that Anthony’s head must have been killing him and yet, it was clear which he considered the more worrying injury.

Loki glanced at the book which still lay on the ground, taking in the size– and then winced in sympathy.

Still. Such a hit to the head was rather concerning, and as much as he didn’t like leaving Anthony in such pain, Loki knew he wasn’t particularly helpful as he was, so he stood and moved out of the room without uttering a word.

The Avengers’ freezer was, as per usual, stocked with enough icepacks to service the frequent injuries that occurred in the tower, and it was an easy matter for Loki to pluck one from the shelf and wrap it in a dish towel. 

By the time Loki made his way back into the living room, Anthony was sitting up again– though he was still on the floor, leaning against the couch, and his hands were hung awkwardly in his lap.

“Sorry for yelling, Lokes,” Anthony said. “I know you didn’t do it on purpose.”

Loki was sure that Anthony’s voice was strained due to the remnants of pain, not from any falsity.

There was no need for Loki to say that he was sympathetic, or that he was sorry– he already had, after all. So he slid down to the ground beside Anthony, and passed him the wrapped icepack without a word.

Anthony stared at it for a moment, then glanced down to his lap and wrinkled his nose in obvious distaste.

“For your _head_ ,” Loki said firmly.

Anthony flushed, but obligingly held the ice to his forehead, where Loki could already see a decently sized lump beginning to form.

“Thanks,” he said, glancing at Loki, one of his eyes covered by the trailing end of the dish towel.

“You’re welcome. And you know that I really am sorry for dropping the book on you?” Loki checked. “It truly was an accident.”

“I know, but… Lokes?” Tony asked. “Why didn’t you just use your other hand?”

Loki frowned. Surely the answer to that should be obvious? “You were holding it,” he said. 

Anthony’s expression softened. “You wanted to keep holding my hand?” he asked. There was something teasing in his tone, but his eyes were warm enough that Loki didn’t feel the sting of it.

“I would have preferred to read my book,” Loki admitted. Then his eyes widened as he quickly backtracked. “What I mean, of course, is that I do love holding your hand and I certainly don’t want you to miss out on anything just because you’re with _me,_ but there are times when the practice does seem a little… difficult to maintain.”

“Loki,” Tony said slowly, his brow creasing with a confused frown. “Why do you think I like holding your hand?”

“Well, because we are together,” Loki said, and he hoped he sounded certain enough to avoid having to admit that he still did not understand this custom which was clearly so important to Anthony.

Unfortunately, Anthony was not that easily tricked.

“Yes,” Anthony said patiently. “But… you seem to think that there’s more to it than that, right? So, why?”

Loki let out a long sigh, and stared straight ahead. His cheeks were burning now, and he didn’t think there was any way he was going to be able to get out of it. So, he gave his explanation.

“Holding hands seems to be important in this realm,” he said. “I don’t know why. No one does such things in Asgard, because… why would we? It is impractical in every way– but I could see it was important to you, and I was more than willing to try it. And it _is_ enjoyable, it truly is, but there are moments when it becomes difficult—”

Loki was cut off as Anthony leaned forward and kissed him. Loki’s eyes fell closed as he fell into it, cupping Anthony’s cheek as he kissed him back– but not giving in to the urge to bury his hand in Anthony’s hair as he normally would, wary of the injury.

Anthony slid into Loki’s lap, straddling him as he kissed him harder, and they were both panting for breath by the time they pulled away.

Loki realised then that Anthony’s icepack had fallen to the side, but Loki did not feel the need to retrieve it. Thinking that Anthony might be more receptive to his touch, now, Loki stroked his thumb lightly over Anthony’s head and healed the bump with a spark of his seiðr. Anthony leaned into it, a pleased noise pulling from his throat.

“Thank you,” Anthony said.

“It’s the least I could do, since it was my fault in the first place,” Loki reminded him.

“Not for the healing, but thanks for that, too. I mean… for holding my hand.” Anthony ducked his head, and Loki realised that he was no longer the only one blushing. “You didn’t know what it was, but you did it anyway.”

“There’s very little I wouldn’t do for you,” Loki replied simply.

Anthony’s eyes widened at that, and for a moment, he just looked completely stunned. But then he smiled– warm and bright, the kind of smile that lit up the whole room and made Loki unable to resist smiling back.

“You know, there really is nothing complicated about handholding,” Anthony said softly. He leaned back just enough and nudged Loki’s arms until their hands were both between them, and Anthony cradled Loki’s between both of his own. “When I do this,” he whispered, stroking his thumbs over Loki’s skin. “Or this…” he paused to tilt his wrists until their palms were pressed together, and then he slotted their fingers and curled them over until they were holding hands properly– “This is just me telling you that I love you, in a way that the whole world can see.”

Loki felt like he was frozen, like the world had blurred together until the only thing left was the man in his lap and the incredible words that had been said. “You love me?” he whispered.

“Yeah,” Anthony replied, holding Loki’s gaze. “I _love_ you, and I want to tell you every single moment of the day.”

Loki’s breath caught– and then it left him in a light, joyful laugh. He lifted one of his hands and turned it so his arm was twisted around Anthony’s, so that Anthony’s hand was now facing Loki instead– and then he brought it to his lips to press a kiss to the back.

“I love you, too,” Loki said, holding Anthony’s gaze though his lips still brushed over Anthony’s skin as he spoke. “And if that is what holding your hand means, then I won’t let go again.”

Anthony arched his brow at that. “Not even to turn a page?”

“Well,” Loki said, his tone turning serious as he let their hands sink between their chests again. “Maybe I would have to make the one exception.”

When Loki leaned in to kiss Anthony once more he gently squeezed his fingers, and he could feel Anthony’s smile against his lips.

“You know what?” Anthony said as they parted again, his smile still well and truly in place. “The whole problem would be solved if you just took me up on my offer and let me get you a decent e-reader.”

In any normal situation, Loki would have narrowed his eyes at that. After all, he had already thought of an alternate solution– he would be more than capable of holding his book up and turning his pages with his seiðr. It was a redundant use of magic that he normally wouldn’t bother with, but it would be worth it in this instance.

But… Loki still felt ridiculously light, the happiness still surging through him and making him more susceptible than usual to Anthony’s smile. So instead of starting an argument, Loki merely nodded– and Anthony’s look of surprise at the ease of agreement was almost as good as when Loki won a debate.

And besides, it _was_ a good idea.

Electronic books, after all, were much easier to read one-handed– and even giving in would be worth it, if it meant that Loki could continue to hold Anthony’s hand.


End file.
